Sunday, August 22, 2010

Diary extract No. 19

I am missing my Woods desperately. I am missing Bea and Em and Tallie and even Clio. But mostly I am missing Kay because while I will see all the others very soon, she is gone away to China. For some reason it seems oceans and oceans away. I shan't see her again until after Christmas. I dream, sometimes, of what it would be like to have everyone all in one place. We would live in a grand canvas tent in my Wood. With bluebells to grow under our bare feet and ivy to twist itself around our tent. We would sleep on beds of goose feathers and thistledown covered with odd-patterned quilts. We would take walks with the golden deer they call the Forest Prince and dance in gilded ballroom that can sometimes disappear when you're looking for it. (It's never in the same place twice and only the Forest Prince can show you the way.) We would spend our afternoons baking the old hermit mushroom cakes and hiding behind winter wood piles trying to glimpse him. We would lay out in the meadow spinning pretty little dresses from spider silk and spotting birds and butterflies. Braid blossoms into our hair beside the lake with the island. Make up our own star stories. 


But these are all just daydreams. (They always start with the Lantern.) Nonsensical, really. Fleeting. A part of that Other History that is always flickering in the corner of my eye. At times, I think about reaching out my hand and snatching it all up. I know, though, that it will only slip through my fingers. It will always ghost right through them, cold and unforgiving. And I would be left trembling, as though having touched a ghost. Even if they are just daydreams, like tiny whispers of the magical history, I like to pretend they're Real. And that you are all there with me, pretending. Because it is wonderfully simple, pretending.  


I am forever wishing for Courage. It is so very easy to hide in my daydreams. My bones are forever feeling so very frail and my breath is so timid. Yet, I am always waiting for Adventure. A little girl knowing that she is bound to do something breathtaking, but hiding deep in my Woods. (Count to one hundred before you come find me.) I am wanting to fight Dragons like Saint George. But no. I am much too afraid because Dragons always have sharp teeth, but nobody knows because everyone's always too worried about the fire. Much too impossible to get close enough to worry about the teeth. Maybe, just maybe, if we weren't too worried about the fire, we could get close enough to realise that Dragons don't always bite. Perhaps they simply smile and we'll realise how daft it was to be afraid of such creatures. Perhaps Saint George wasn't the hero; perhaps he simply didn't understand. I wonder if he ever spoke to the Dragon. Perhaps we don't need Courage and Armour and Swords. Maybe words and a smile can be Brave enough. 

20 comments:

minna ♥ said...

Missing is one of the worst things I can think of. It eats and eats away at one and induces loneliness.
Oh gosh, your Wood sounds exquisite, dearest. Maybe (I can only wish and wish) it won't always be a daydream. You are lovely as ever, Elly.
Love, Minna <3
ps. I think that very often words and a smile are brave enough, and even require more bravery than armour and swords. x

grace mouse said...

oh my dear, you know you are braver than you think. one day you will find your adventure, and your woods, and the Other History can become your present♥

Vera said...

Elly, Elly, Elly. I can relate to this post incredibly much, the missing, the courage, the woods inside my head. Your adventure will come one day, it couldn't be any other way, and you'll find the best of friends in your dragon (because you'll be one of the few who know his smile). xxx

Molly Blues said...

Adorable words from adorable daydreamer. It's all I can say.

Well, would you invite me to your Wood? :-)

tia- said...

Oh Elly. Poor deer. Loneliness is the worst thing in the world, I know all about it. I do hope your blog and these comments make you feel a little less alone in the dark, terrible world. Oh and daydreams are never nonsensical, pretending is the best form of defence, and I believe that you are extremely brave - I have told you this last fact many times before. You are brave, the bravest bear cub I have ever met. Poor darling, I wish my words could make you realise how inspiring and courageous you really are, a real and true heroine. xxxx

holly and the wolves said...

Oh I relate to this so very much :( It almost made me cry a little. I know about courage & forest princes & dreams that start with lanterns. I know the heaviness. Be well, lovely, and be brave. Thinking of you xx

Princess Camille said...

I long to get lost in your woods. So beautiful. <3

scraped elbows said...

Oh, dear Elly I wish I could take that feeling of missing away from you (and everyone) and replace it with something else so no one could ever feel that way. I hope your wishes for courage come true very soon (I shall be wishing for it also) xxx

skye said...

Dearest Elly, my heart aches for bluebells and beech trees also. I feel all of this each day as I see the grey-blue leaves and miss the emerald green. I should love to visit your woods, but it is equally a pleasure to wander through your wood of words.

Jen said...

Your writing is beautiful :)

I just stumbled across your blog, it is wonderful!

c said...

ohh sorry to hear that. hard if we miss someone.

Jennifer said...

Beautiful again. Bluebells and dragons and dresses from spider silk.
And i think your words are so true.
The Bravest people wear no armour but words and words alone xxx

Marisa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
sara said...

you will find your bravery dear. i can't get over how beautiful this post (and your blog in general) is. i think you would be a magical friend to have ♥

xx

calla said...

oh my do i ever love your blog, so lovely!

anouk said...

"I am forever wishing for Courage. It is so very easy to hide in my daydreams. My bones are forever feeling so very frail and my breath is so timid."
you got such great writting-skills.

Athena. said...

Dearest, your writing is like a little bird; so delicately beautiful. The Brave are usually the Happiest, aren't they?
That's what I would very much like to hope, anyway.
Love, Athena. xxx

Pink Lady said...

i just found you´re blog! and i already love it! and the way you write - so beautiful! i like your blog very much!!! have a nice weekend!

Tree Castles said...

I can relate to this post, as well.
Lately my heart has been trying ever so much to be filled with Courage. It is a battle out there at school, in the streets, outside of my dream castle.
And perhaps you're right.
Perhaps words and a smile can be brave enough.

You're a beautiful writer. I hope I can find this in a book someday. Your words are something I'd like to see in pages where I can touch lightly with my fingertips.

And, oh yes, thank you so much for the comment on my blog post. So kind of you! <3

Kate said...

Stunning pictures :)

Post a Comment

like talking to trees, your whispers hidden in the wind. only sometimes the trees talk back. like wishing on a star and having the star wish on you. say what you like; there's always someone listening.
a very merry thank you.